Disclaimer: Somewhere on this blog are multiple grammatical mistakes, spelling errors and obscure Star Wars references.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Omg, How Are You?!?!?!!?!

A lot of people have been asking me the above question over and over and it's beginning to piss me off majorly. So from now on whoever asks me will get the same damn reply. I'll give them a link to this page and they can read for themfuckingselves.

  1. I have a pair of cracks in the knuckle of my right ring finger
  2. I have a busted knee
  3. I have hyperventilation
  4. I have weird blood pressure
  5. My long term plans were just raped by a mountain goat
  6. I've slept a collective of 4.5 hours in the past 3 nights
  7. For some crazy reason I'm drastically losing weight, that I shouldn't be
Am I ok? You do the effing math.

xx

M

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Best Laid Plans.

Mike Tyson said, "When any boxer enters the ring he's got a plan. Until he gets punched right in the face." A lot of people thankfully never get to witness this first hand. Unfortunately for yours truly that's almost exactly what happened. Only it was something more of a 'I had almost reached the knockout punch, but slipped and fell and got knocked out myself.'

How many of y'all have seen the 1999 movie called, 'Best Laid Plans.' It's a Murphy's Law-esque movie. Some guy decides to rob a bank. They make a plan. Simple yet effective. What could possibly go wrong. etc etc. Climax scene. Movie over. Credits start rolling. It really wasn't as much of a box office sensation, but I just feel it suits the mood just fine.

The last two months or so have been a total fuckjob and it's been hard trying to cope. Emphasis on, 'trying'. Finally about a little more than a week and a half ago, I thought that everything was over, and I was walking out of the ruins. You know, the whole schabang. Cleaning up, hiding scars, covering bruises etc etc. I thought it was over, but I knew there was a lot of patching up yet to be done. Sorta like maintenance on a bullet - ridden plane that's JUST made it out.

Unfortunately that once again ended one night ago. Monday night to be precise. The irony is that I had plans for a good amount of time after that, and I missed it by a matter of HOURS. I'm am now trying to come to terms with the fact that I probably missed something awesome by only a fraction of time, and that irony is a game best watched and not played.

And as a final piece of advice: Murphy's Law IS always correct.

xx

M

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Introducing...

Hello readers.

If you're wonderful enough to be loyal readers of my blog you would have noticed that my last post was in fact not mine at all. It was my newly appointed co-author and contributor to this blog, Uzma Atcha.

Now I finally have a squeaky, shrilly, opinionated, emotional, high-pitched voice on my blog. Things are definitely being shaped up. But less like shaken-up more like tall-glass-in-front-of-an-opera-diva scenario. Uzma has a wonderful style of writing and can be seen in her very own personal blog right here. I was planning on doing lovely Uzma's introduction to the blogosphere much earlier, but due to the onset of my examinations, and a particularly randy mountain goat called Core Mathematics 4, I was delayed.

Uzma is short, cute and looks a lot like the character Faye from the webcomic Questionable Content. She is also the one who got me hooked onto that webcomic and I owe her for that. This young lady has an awesome command over English, and is very fussy about it's misuse. You oughta catch a glimpse of her face when she hears modern rap music. Worth a million. Quite the connoisseur of Indie rock, Uzma listens to bands that most mainstream idol worshippers would not recognize even when drunk and hallucinating the green giant wearing striped socks and belting out some tunes from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Well, I could go on about this wonderful person for hours, but for a quick summary go here.

Either way she is both an awesome writer and a very important person in my life, and I truly will enjoy her company here. Thanks for joining me, and welcome aboard!

xx

M

Monday, June 11, 2007

Anything? You sure about that?

Hey guys!

Mali said he'd like to shake things up a bit on his blog, and what better way than to add a female's opinion, especially since he'd always ask me to proof read his posts and correct the many grammatical errors, anyway.

So here comes Uzma, adding the grotesque, overly emotional posts that this blog lacks (not that it was a bad thing).

Here goes my first post:

--


Picture this.

*cue fog machine and old school music here*

You're at the local grocery store, waiting in line at the checkout with an obscenely large trolley overflowing with junk. You're crossing things off the two page long list with that imaginary pen of yours, checking if you've picked up everything everyone in your family had wanted. Pickles? Mmhmm. Fabric Softener? Yep. Batteries? Got it. Toilet paper, fresh milk, cheetos for the movie? Check check check. Finally, the woman's credit card a customer in front of you works and you're next in line. You carefully maneuver the cart two inches ahead, avoiding the portly man's behind.

The phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Hey, you done at the supermarket?"
"Just checking out. Why, do you need something?"
"Erhm...yeah"
"What? Hurry up because this guy here in front of me is already paying."
"I just wanted something to drink."
"Like what? Tell me quick and I'll pick it up for you."
"Oh, I don't know. Something fizzy-like."
"Like what?"
"Anything, really."
"Like what?"
"Anything."
"Hurry up and make up your mind, Godddamnit.:
"Seriously, anything."

Mind you, I was just asking if they wanted me to pick up something out of courtesy.


To settle this problem that faces hundreds of thousand of indecisive people the world over, in Singapore, they've come up with crazy-ass drinks called "Anything" and "Whatever". Pretty cool, eh?
"Anything" could be Cola, Cola With Lemon, Apple, Fizz Up, Cloudy Lemon, or Root Beer.
"Whatever" consists of a range of iced teas.





To visit the site, click
here!
To see the second ad click here!

All I can say is, you guys asked for it.


--Lhjunkie
Xx

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Terrorism has no religion. Part 2

Hey readers.

After writing my last post I felt compelled to find the video because words could not express that message. Well I found it but unfortunately can't embed the video here.

So I decided to let you be able to download this video. Right click on the link below and click "Save Target As" or "Save Link As" (depending on what browser you're using). Download it and watch it on any media player. For the non - tech savvy, download the VLC Media player from the internet first.

The Kidnapping

Terrorism, indeed, has no faith or religion. Please leave comments about the video and the situation at hand. Much appreciated.

xx

M

Friday, June 08, 2007

Terrorism has no religion

Last night for reasons unknown, I stayed up till around 4:30 am after returning home at about 11:45pm. I watched, 'Snatch' on MBC2 again, and following that I saw what was possibly one of THE most pointless movies ever, Waterworld. That took a good 3 or so hours and that's probably what kept me up for so long. In fact at 4:30am when I DID go to bed, that damn movie was still going on. And I'm glad I didn't stay awake to find out what happens. That movie sucks. Kevin Costner should stick to producing. Or anything BUT acting.

Either way, terrible acting notwithstanding, during that time, I saw a very interesting advertisement. Well it wasn't an advertisement per se, it was more of a publicity video of sorts. It was a video about the war in Iraq, but not between the Americans and the Iraqis but rather between the warring sects of Sunnis and Shi'ites.

The video was well shot. It started with POV (Point of View) shot of a man with a cloth masked over his face being hustled somewhere by loud men yelling at him in Arabic. Finally, when the mask comes off, the hostage is facing one of his captors, a man clad in army fatigues, a black vest and a black balaclava, sporting an AK-47. The POV shot stops and then the camera pans out and you see the hostage strapped into a chair with 3 such men around him, one in front and 2 behind.

Simultaneously after this, the director plays a flashback in black and white. A busy Iraqi marketplace. Families and people on their daily hustle and bustle minding their own business, doing their own thing etc etc. Focus on, we see our hostage with his family. He has a beautiful wife and two lovely children around 6 and 8 years old. A boy and a girl respectively. Quite the family picture.

Scene changes back to the present: The captor smashes the butt of his AK - 47 into the hostages face, and asks just one question:

" Enta Sunni walla' Shi'e ? "

Translated: " Are you Sunni or Shi'ite? "

Once again the camera pans back to the marketplace where this near perfect family goes about buying groceries and meeting familiar faces. Suddenly, there's a disturbance as an old BMW swerves dangerously into the market place.

Camera pans back to the hostage scenario. Captor hits Hostage again. Again he asks, "Enta Sunni walla' Shi'ie?"

Four men burst into the marketplace brandishing AK - 47s and firing wildly into the air and at random stalls. People duck and fall everywhere to try and avoid getting shot. Mothers grab their children while men try to cover their entire families.

Another hit to the face. "ENTA SUNNI WALLA' SHI'E?!"

The family in the marketplace gets dispersed, the father fell away from his family near the feet of one of the gunmen. The gunmen continued their rampage for some time. Finally when they felt they did enough they grabbed some men, shoving one into the back seat and another into the trunk, before flooring the pedal of the old BMW and zooming out of there.

Another hit. Followed by another. "ENTA.... ENTA SUNNI WALLA' SHI'E??!"

Slowly, people in the marketplace stood up. The sounds of frantic mothers and scared children are commonplace. Men are yelling at everyone, asking if anyone's hurt, has anyone been shot.

Hit. Hit. Hit. "SUNNI WALLA' SHI'E??!!!"

The mother of the family stands up and does a quick head count. She's fine, her two children are fine. Where's her husband? She remembers the gunmen snatched some people. Then she remembers her husband falling at one of the gunmens feet.

The hostage was thrown out of his chair onto his knees. The butt and his face were acquainted once again. "Enta.. Enta ajibni.. Enta Sunni? Ow, Enta Shi'e?" (You.. you answer me. You Sunni? or You Shi'ite?)

The mother gets frantic as the reality of the situation dawns upon her. Four masked gunmen drove into the marketplace and after a wild rampage took to captives. One of them was her husband. She begins yelling in disbelief. Her children huddle at her feet.

The gunman moves away from the bloodied face of the husband and father. He points the rifle to his forehead.

"Enta Sunni walla' Shi'ie. SUNNI WALLA SHI'E!??!?!"

Through bloody eyes, the husband looks at the gunman.

"Iraqi," comes the response.


Fade away.


*Bang*



The message appears. It was simple and concise. No explanations were necessary.


Al IrHab. La Deena Laha.

Terrorism. It has no religion.


xx

M