Revelations

The last two months have been quite the roller coaster ride for me. I've witnessed both extreme highs and extreme lows and they both occurred with very few gaps. Hence the roller coaster analogy. Either way. I've realized a few things about myself that I hadn't until now. And this post is entirely about ME so please, let's not have any misconceptions eh?

I've realized that I'm about as moody as the next person. I used to believe that I was always calm and composed at all times. Cool as a cucumber and all that jazz. However, I now believe that that's what I THOUGHT I was but in reality I'm no different from your Joe Nobody who has mood swings. I have them too. In fact lately I might be having them more than the average bloke. Sometimes I can lose faith in all humanity and myself, while only moments before/after I would think I'm invincible and humanity always prevails. I previewed myself from a God's Eye view. Previewed my life and the last two or so months. I saw how I changed with time and moods. I saw some mistakes that I made, and some that I should've stopped.

I've realized that I'm not invincible (Yes I realize I'm contradicting the previous paragraph, but hear me out ok?). Yes I am NOT invincible. I just have really high confidence and a high guard. I can take anything, if not a lot, but I'm not invincible. I always believed that I was, and that nothing would faze me. However that is not the case and like any other individual I am also fazeable. Which kinda sucks because now I know that I'm vulnerable and that does kill the whole self confidence thing I had going for 19 years.

I've realized that a lot of things are never under your control. And you (me) have to accept that. I have to realize that even though there are many things that you cant do without, they are not under your control.

I've realized that when you've done everything that you can and all your options have been exhausted the ONLY (ONLY!!!) thing you can do is wait. And the occasional prayer. Waiting sucks, let there be no doubt in this matter, BUT if it's the only thing you CAN do then, beggars cant be choosers.

I've realized that no matter how much I have learned that I am not as invincible as I believed I was, I will NEVER stop being hopeful and optimistic. That's one thing that I realized that I always will be. Optimistic and Hopeful.

I've realized one final thing. I will never give up and I will always be there.

xx

M